Friday, June 24, 2005 { 1:10 AM }

somehow i feel that i'm putting on a mask everyday to lead ma life..i hate my family.. i'm trying my best to love my father but i just couldn't do it,i can say i love my mum,my sister[only one,even though i've two] sometimes i feel that i shouldn't be in this family,but f*cked up feeling i have..my mom has favouritism on ma other sis..my father doesn't care at all..and i have is my grandma who doesn't even know who am i ... My family has never attended mass together expect for my grandfather's funeral mass.. what da hell !! i'm just so sad.. that my family hardly sits down together to have a proper meal expect for reunion dinner on new years eve..what catholic ger am i, i don't even practice what i learn in church..s0bs
Sometimes i do envy my friends who has a complete family which will do things together as a family.. my family is just like a incomplete jigsaw puzzle..it will never be completed .... and it will never be in the next ten yrs..


He heard the preacher say
"A single dime could feed
A hungry boy or girl with
Nothing to eat"
So he pulled a dollar
From the pocket of his jeans
He asked his Mama
"How many will this feed?"
She just smiled when she told him ten
He reached back in again
"What if I give all I have
What will that gift do?"
"My child a gift like that could change the world
Could feed a multitude!"
He didn't close his eyes or turn away
I can see him standing tall
He saw the need and I can hear him say
"What if I give all?"
Three birthday dollars could of bought a special toy
But he reminds of a nothing little boy
Who gave to Jesus a gift of fish and bread
I wonder if he said?
"What if I give all I have
What will that gift do?"
"My child a gift like that could change the world
Could feed a multitude!"
He didn't close his eyes or turn away
I can see him standing tall
He saw the need and I can hear him say
"What if I give all?"
Long ago, a Father and His Son
Saw the children lost in sin
Can you see the tears in Father's eyes
As Jesus says to him?
"What if I give all I have
What will that gift do?"
"My son that gift will change the world
It will feed the multitude"
"So what if I give all I have
What will that gift do?
My child a gift like that could change the world
It could feed a multitude
We cannot close our eyes and turn away
When we hear his spirit call
We see the need, now let him hear us say
"What if I give all?
What if I give all?"

Wednesday, June 22, 2005 { 1:21 AM }

i've just got back from family camp,it was just awesome..the breeze from the rides..was just so relaxing!! it made you feel like you're in heaven but somehow i had fears in me.. How i wish i could turn back time.. a time when i can choose to start everything afresh and totally new again .. but i would choose to preserve those precious memories that i had with some wonderful people whom i have met..maybe some things are just not meant to be mine..I just didn't treasure those moments that i've got...it just seems to be a fairy tale..Somehow as days goes by,i tend to miss you even more even though its not meant to be..but i just hope you would understand what i'm trying to tell you ..

Wednesday, June 08, 2005 { 2:35 PM }

well,i 've learnt something that is in life you can never expect everyone to be perfect because no one is perfect,everyone would sure to commit a sin.What can i expect from everyone??But still i have to accept for who the person is..But will everyone accept me for who i am and what i am ? i don't want to be the clown in everyone's eyes..am i ? sometimes i do question myself..have i been a good frien to my friends? or just a burden to them ?

I went for camps last week and something just struck me when we were doing a sessions..and this song made an impact on me so deeply that tears just came off like running taps..its about forgiving one another,all my past was just like a flashback to me.. my hurts,my pains,my sadness all the unnecessary baggage that i've been carrying it for the past years, i can't believe that it's still on my shoulders..but when HE said that i should just leave everything to him and he will help me carry it for me..somehow i felt very light..so light that i can actually fly..and sometimes i ask myself.what are my hurts ?? why is it still bothering me so much that i can't even let it go !! is it because its too hurtful or too painful..till today, i don't even have the answer to myself..can you help me answer my question..

But i'm really so thankful to God that i 've so many wonderful people around me..esp my mum ( i love you lots)..my cornerstones-laurie,jill,justina,nini,larri,( maybe the camp brought us closer even more),ming,yvette..and those darlings that is so dear to me..so many that i'm so malas to mention your name..i just really hope that our friendships will never end..*muacks*